


Summer of Self Discovery

by uv_duv



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Choking, Dubious Consent, Hand Jobs, Hypnotism, M/M, Nearly Terminal Levels of Emotional Constipation, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:02:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28449621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uv_duv/pseuds/uv_duv
Summary: Topher unwittingly gets caught in the strange game between Nandor and Guillermo when Topher starts hooking up with Guillermo as well as his masters. Nandor thinks it's totally, absolutely, completely, utterly fine for Guillermo to want to lose his virginity to Topher. Why would he have a problem with that?"There’s a reason I’ve been with Nandor for more than a decade and Nadja and Laszlo’s familiars have… unfortunate accidents. You should be… very… careful.” Guillermo chuckled and grinned in a way that Topher had never seen before, lit green and red in the dim light of his room. It kept surprising Topher that Guillermo could actually be hot, even if it was only for a few seconds at a time.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz/Topher, Nadja/Topher/Laszlo
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	Summer of Self Discovery

Nandor slid his black peasant chess piece forward, where Guillermo’s white peasant could easily capture it without consequence. But rather than take the easy victory, Guillermo sipped from his paper cup with the green fish woman on it, glanced outside, and then moved his peasant further across the board to its doom. Nandor captured it with his knight and narrowed his eyes at Guillermo. 

_ Why do you keep looking out the window and not at our game?  _

When Nandor followed Guillermo's gaze, he couldn’t see anything interesting in the summer night, not like when they caught Phil and his girlfriend having sex with the curtains open. It had been so fun, critiquing their lovemaking. But now Guillermo's behavior was befuddling.  _ Is he waiting for someone?  _ That didn’t make any sense.  _ Who would come in from the side of the house? And who would ever come to visit him? _

All of these questions annoyed Nandor. He frowned at the arrangement on the board and tried to catch Guillermo’s eyes, to indicate that it was his move, but Guillermo was still staring outside. His eyes were duller than usual, his glasses perched on top of ever darkening under eye circles, but at least very nice fine lines were coming in... 

Guillermo slowly placed his queen on the square diagonal to Nandor's peasant with trembling fingers.  _ Fucking--  _

_ This could not possibly be his move. _ Nandor waited, expecting him to reconsider his play. Instead, a drop of something beaded at the bottom of his plump fingertip, a growing fruit that finally split off, staining the crown of the white queen piece a lurid crimson when it burst.

“Guillermo!” Nandor snapped. “You know you are supposed to be washing your hands after chopping the victims! Now you have sullied the queen! That is real ivor--”

“Nandor! Gizmo! Meet our fantastic new familiar!” Laszlo suddenly boomed from the doorway he flung open.  _ So unnecessary.  _ The loud noise startled Guillermo, making him yelp and spill his cup of brown liquid all over himself. __

“Are you drinking ditch water?” Nandor exclaimed, grimacing in disgust.  _ At least it didn’t get on the chess set, _ Nandor thought in relief.

He started to imagine Guillermo crawling around the gutter to fill his cup and was getting ready to chastise him further for such degenerate behavior but was interrupted by Laszlo continuing his performance.

“To-pherrr Del-MON-ico!” Laszlo announced, ever the showman, gesturing to a little man wearing a gray three piece suit. He jogged over to Guillermo, his head of mousy brown hair bouncing with his steps, and immediately produced a handkerchief, mopping up the drink Guillermo had splattered all over his sweater and face.  _ What a team player.  _ Guillermo did not seem to appreciate the favor, swatting the new guy away and insisting that it was fine.  _ Rude.  _ Nandor grunted in warning.

Undeterred, Laszlo and Nadja’s energetic little chap immediately grasped Nandor’s hand and shook it.  _ Firm. That’s good,  _ Nandor vaguely remembered from somewhere.

“You must be Nandor the Relentless! Laszlo and Nadja told me that you’re the big dog of the house!”

“Yesss, that is me, the big dog!” Nandor beamed, very pleased, still shaking the small man's hand. “Grr!” he growled playfully, laughing and much enjoying this new familiar.  _ Perhaps Nadja and Laszlo finally found a diamond in the trough? _

“Alright!” the new guy beamed, giving Nandor’s limp hand a fist bump. “Pleased to meet you, Nandy. Is it cool if I call you that?”

Guillermo crushed his paper cup in his fist before hiding it under the table. “You will never,  _ ever _ call him--”

“Yes, it is in fact very cool for you to be calling me Nandy,” Nandor pronounced, rising to his feet and spreading his arms, cutting off Guillermo’s presumptuous command. Now that Nandor was standing, he saw that this new familiar was even smaller than Guillermo!  _ So compact. Economical. _

"Wow, they were not joking when they said you were the big dog! How tall  _ are _ you? Six four? Six five? Do you play basketball?"

Nandor puffed out with pride and was going to answer when Guillermo interrupted again, clearing his throat. Topher gestured to Guillermo with a thumb. “Guessing that’s Gizmo?” he asked with a chuckle.

“It’s Guillermo, actually,” Nandor and Guillermo said simultaneously.

Laszlo strode over and placed his hands on Topher's shoulders. "You'll get to see more of ole' Gizmo tomorrow, when he trains you," he said, looking at Guillermo sternly.

"Yes, do be training Topher on his duties tomorrow," Nandor ordered. 

“Well then, we’ll leave you two to whatever the fuck you were doing while we show Topher the rest of the house.”

"It is chess," Nandor said quietly with a hand raised as Laszlo and Topher walked away. 

\-----

"I don't see the point," Guillermo muttered, staring at the board between them.

Nandor remembered that it was his move. Sighing, he put Guillermo into checkmate. 

"The point of what now?"

Guillermo pocketed the stained queen and swept the rest of the pieces into their box before folding up the board. "The point of training Tony."

"Topher." 

"Yeah. Well, Nadja and Laszlo have already had, what, six die?"

"No,  _ at least  _ half a dozen," Nandor corrected him. It was an unusual number, even for them.

"I'm just saying, it takes a lot of time and then they end up dying anyway," Guillermo complained as he bent over to put the chess box away. 

"I doubt that you have anything better to do," Nandor said, confronted by the sight of Guillermo's ample backside straining against his trousers.  _ Distracting. _ Nandor looked at a spot on the ground instead, still ruminating on the chess game, wondering why Guillermo had played so poorly. They used to play so much more, sometimes two or even three games in an evening. _ Does he... not like chess anymore? _

Guillermo stood back up and met Nandor’s gaze as he said, "Yeah, you're right," with a smile that didn’t quite crinkle the pretty lines around his eyes. 

\-----

It was hotter and sweatier than a ballsack in the heat of the summer afternoon. Topher was multi-tasking as this Guillermo guy flitted around the backyard with another coffee in hand, endlessly explaining how to lift with your knees or whatever.  _ Onboarding always suuucked. _

“Are you listening? This is important stuff. I’ve had to bury more than a few other--.”

_ Wasn’t this entire job just doing whatever Nadja and Laszlo say?  _ Topher didn’t say that though.

“I know it looks like I’m on my phone but I’m def taking notes,” he assured Guillermo as he checked the score of the game. He flicked to another tab and saw that Mike found a killer deal on some DJ equipment.  _ Sweet.  _

He opened Snapchat and realized he forgot about his girlfriend Kayleigh’s show.  _ Aw fuck. _ Quickly texting an apology, Topher followed Guillermo to the side of the house, at least grateful for the shade, peeling his sweaty hair off the back of his neck and tugging at the soaked pits of his white dress shirt.

“Did you say something?” Guillermo suddenly asked, turning around and actually looking at him. 

“Uh, no?” Topher responded, shaking his head.  _ Must be fucking drenched under that sweater.  _

“Just thought… Nevermind. Sorry,” Guillermo chuckled weakly. 

The guy frowned at his coffee, as if it were somehow responsible, before taking another huge gulp. Topher made a mental note to get him some of his buddy Jason’s Sumatran blend, practically legal liquid crack. 

Guillermo took them to a Breaking Bad-esque dead body disposal table, complete with grody blood stains, questionable barrels, and a self-explanatory miter saw. A laminated paper sign nailed to the wall said “GUILLERMO DO NOT BE FORGETTING YOUR FACEMASK AT THE VICTIM CHOP TABLE” in aggressive warped purple block letters that reminded Topher of 90’s computer graphics. At the bottom of the sign, there was a fucking dope picture of a black horse rearing up in front of a full moon.  _ Bitchin’. _

Guillermo had started rambling about tarps when Topher interrupted to say, “Dude! Cool sign. So safe to say you guys got a color printer?” 

“Yeah, Topher, we do,” he sighed. “It’s not going to help you dispose of corpses though, so it’s not really relevant right now.”

“Tight, tight,” Topher replied, absolutely planning to use it to print flyers for his big show coming up. He made a mental note to invite Guillermo to that too. 

\----- 

Each day of training felt like the longest, slowest day of Topher’s life. Today was candles. Guillermo somehow spun a lecture over something as simple as lighting a match, although apparently some dumbass actually did die lighting themselves on fire, so Topher could understand the impulse.

His phone went off and it was Kayleigh. Without thinking, he clicked his Bluetooth with the match in his hand and said, “Hey KayKay--” when Guillermo yelled, “What did I just say?!”, smacking his head like an agitated seagull beating its wings.

“Ow! What the--? Dawg! Jesus, cool it!” Topher yelled, holding his arms up as Guillermo kept hitting him.

“You lit your hair on fire! Exactly what I told you not to fucking do!”

Topher didn’t hear the rest of what Guillermo was sputtering in his frothy rage over Kayleigh explaining she got a big contract and was moving to LA.

“So, so what’s that mean? You know you’re my dream girl…”

Topher deflated like a punctured volleyball when she said it was officially over. Clicking the button to end the call, he muttered “fuck” to himself, his jaw hanging loosely from his head as he stared at nothing.

“Taylor? Are you okay?” Guillermo asked, his hands held in front of him in little claws, like a concerned velociraptor. 

Topher sighed and shook his head. “It’s Topher and yeah, yeah, it’s--it’s fine, it’s whatever, my girlfriend just broke up with me.”

"Oh. That's really rough. I'm sorry to hear that, Topher.” Guillermo patted his shoulder twice in a stilted way, like he was counting. “Are you… going to be okay?"

"Thanks man. It is what it is. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be, you know?" he said, shrugging. 

"Mm." Guillermo didn’t move when Topher hugged him.

After a beat, Guillermo wiggled away from his embrace and asked, “So, are you good to finish your half of the candles?” 

\-----

Later that week, Guillermo opened the supply closet and explained bleach to Topher like he was six years old. Topher had met Mr. Robinson the day before and was genuinely surprised that he was the energy vampire of the house and not Guillermo.

Guillermo yawned and then apologized for yawning. “Sorry about that.” Another gulp of coffee. “It’s… it’s really not an easy job. That’s why I hope you’ll listen to me and stick around for a while.”

Dude was clearly working himself to death and seemed to live on a liquid diet of coffee.  _ No wonder they hired me. _

“Not planning on going anywhere anytime soon, bud. You can count on me,” Topher said brightly, giving Guillermo a fist bump that he accepted with an awkward little smile.  _ Well, for at least another few months. _

“Actually, did I mention my show coming up?”

“More than a few--”

“I’m playing the uke at the grand opening of my buddy Drew’s bar if you wanted to--”

“Topher!” Laszlo’s unmistakable voice boomed from down the hall. “I do believe I overheard you discussing some kind of musical showcase. Would you like to join Nadja and me in the music room?”

“Be right there, Master!” Patting Guillermo’s shoulder, he jogged away, leaving Guillermo standing there holding a roll of paper towels and a bottle of Windex dangling from his fingers.

\-----

Laszlo could play seemingly anything he laid his hands on and Nadja could put words to any tune, even something that Topher came up with on the fly. A loud thunk against the wall and Guillermo cursing in Spanish interrupted their jam session. 

“Guillermo, when you’re done with that come in here please!” Nadja yelled.

When Guillermo finally came in, Topher sprang up and held out one of Laszlo’s guitars, but he politely refused it. 

“It’s for the best, he really has no talent,” Nadja commented, stroking Topher’s shoulder before screeching at Guillermo. “What do you think you are about, leaving the candles alone so long! It has scorched one of my favorite paintings!”

“I didn’t--” Guillermo started, but Nadja tutted at him. “He’s still new, he must have just forgot--” Guillermo tried again, gesturing at Topher.

“Now, now, don’t go looking at our Topher you scoundrel, just own up to it and never do it again,” Laszlo insisted, scowling at Guillermo from his tuba.

“Sorry. It was my fault,” Guillermo said in a small voice, eyes glued to the floor. 

“Very well, off with you then.” Laszlo waved a hand shooing Guillermo away like he was a fart. 

It was always embarrassing to see someone getting chewed out, but Topher felt even worse that Guillermo did something as idiotic as forget to blow out candles. 

\-----

Topher was so thrilled that the vampires all wanted to see his show.  _ Even Mr. Robinson! _ It sucked that Guillermo had to stay and deal with all the bodies they had been stockpiling to bury in one plot, but it was what it was. 

Walking through the front door of the house arm in arm with his masters, Topher felt on top of the world while Guillermo was frantically scrubbing at some stain on his hands and knees. As they strolled up the stairs, Topher could distantly hear Nandy chastising Guillermo for spilling again.  _ Tough break. _

“Oh Tophie, you have such a lovely singing voice,” Nadja cooed, a hand on his chest.

“Yes, you’re got talent in spades! Even so, Nadja and I could show you a tip or two,” Laszlo said, a hand on his back. “And then we could give you music lessons.” He quirked an eyebrow at Topher in undeniable flirtation and if Topher still wasn’t sure, Laszlo and Nadja both squeezed his ass.

“I am a quick learner, Masters,” Topher responded with a sideways grin as they guided him up to their crypt.

\-----

The next week, Topher had a lot going on between his sessions (musical and otherwise) with Nadja and Laszlo and moving into the house. Guillermo seemed to be spending a lot of time in one of the upstairs bathrooms anyway, but refused the Pepto that Topher offered him through the door. Eventually, Guillermo appeared when Topher was struggling to lift his mini-fridge up the stairs into his new room.

“I need to talk to you,” Guillermo said, his serious voice reminding Topher of his middle school vice principal. 

“For sure bro, but first can you help me move this? The whole rent-free thing is a pretty sweet bennie of this gig!” 

“Sure is,” Guillermo said quietly as he lifted the other end of the mini-fridge up the stairs with Topher. With Guillermo, it was like lifting a marshmallow. Once they arranged it in his room, Topher patted a spot on his floor mattress, inviting Guillermo to sit with him. Instead, Guillermo closed the door and then folded his hands in front of him. Without the light from the hallway, Guillermo was lit ominously by Topher’s dim Christmas lights. __

“Last week, you forgot to blow out--”

“Yeah, I don’t know what happened with those candles, but I know for sure that you could really use a break. I was thinking we could just chill in here and hang out. Like friends.” Guillermo looked at him blankly. 

“We’re not really--” he started.

“I feel like I hardly know you,” Topher explained, slipping his shoes off and sprawling out with his bare feet on the wall. He looked up at Guillermo with a hopeful grin.

Guillermo sighed and sat down anyway. “Okay. Um. What do you want to know?” he asked, rubbing his neck with his hand.

“Well for starters, how long have you been doing this gig?”

“Eleven years.”

“Fuck, wow. You ever think about what you’d accomplish if you’d done something else? With how hard you work, you’d probably be a CEO somewhere by now. Can you imagine that? G-money, raking in cash, drowning in bitches.” __

“Well, not bitches,” Guillermo corrected with a little chuckle.

“Sorry, sorry, babes.” 

Topher course-corrected when he saw Guillermo’s face. “Dudes, huh. Nice. I’d have both. You know, why choose?”

Topher asked him what he would do with an infinite amount of money and handed him a cider. After answering bog standard stuff about helping his family out, Guillermo rubbed his eyes and initially drawled, “I really can’t, Topher… We’re on the clock and all...” but Topher insisted, placing the bottle in his hand. 

“Just one, man. Live a little,” he needled. Guillermo sipped it, offering Topher a tiny flash of a smile. Or maybe his lip twitched.

“It’s cider.” Topher took that as a ringing endorsement, coming from Guillermo. 

“And there’s more where that came from. Help yourself, anytime, seriously,” he said, patting Guillermo’s shoulders before laying back against the wall. They chatted for a while, Topher regaling him with hilarious stories, but eventually they hit a natural lull in the conversation. 

Topher’s head buzzed pleasantly as he confessed, “You know, to be honest with you, G, I really didn’t think this job would be so boring. Don’t get me wrong, Nadja and Laszlo are a blast, but like, everything else…” Topher’s eyes focused on Guillermo. 

He hadn’t even finished half of his cider and he was placing it on the ground. Guillermo curled his legs up on the bed as he twisted to face Topher. “Yeah. It gets… so...” Guillermo sighed and looked up at nothing, swaying where he sat, his face the very image of despair. “Thankless. And, yeah... lonely.”

_ Heavy.  _ Topher sat there silently, nodding, his bare foot inches from touching Guillermo. A new thought bubbled up. 

“What if we, just…” Topher said, crawling over and sliding a hand up Guillermo’s thigh, nudging his legs apart. 

“Oh?” Guillermo said, obviously surprised. “Oh. Um, I--I shouldn’t, I’m not supposed, it’s not, um, professional… I mean, I’m kind of your... boss...” Guillermo murmured, but also didn’t resist when Topher unzipped his khakis.

“Eh, just some fun, between us guys,” Topher said, palming Guillermo through his boxer briefs.

Guillermo gripped the sheets, choking back a little whine as he said, “Uhhh... it’s... we’re--we’re on the clock, you know?”

“Or my hand could be around your cock,” Topher whispered into his ear with a roguish grin, immediately fulfilling the suggestion. It took almost nothing to get Guillermo hard. 

Topher could hear him gulp. A few slow strokes... Finally, he relented. “F--fine. Just... hands,” Guillermo muttered, turning his face away. Topher could still see that he was blushing like a freshie girl.

“Sure thing, dawg,” Topher said, getting up to grab lotion from his nightstand. Topher tossed the bottle on the mattress with a muffled bounce and started to push Guillermo back and straddle him, but to his surprise, Guillermo heaved him to the side. Topher’s breath caught at the dark fire behind his eyes, at Guillermo suddenly on top of him, pinning him down, his face obscured by shadow.  _ Holy shit... _

And just as instantly, that spark was extinguished. ... _ Fucking figures. _

“I, um, sorry about that, you just... caught me by surprise...” Guillermo apologized, acting like a guilty dog that had been caught eating garbage. 

“I can think of one way you can make it up to me,” Topher smirked, scooting back out from under Guilllermo until his back hit the wall. 

Even with the lotion, Guillermo had much rougher hands than Laszlo or Nadja. Still,  _ a handy’s a handy.  _

“So I mean, Nadja and Laszlo, it’s, it’s almost, mm, every night,” Topher panted. Guillermo was looking somewhere past him, but furrowed his brow. “I assume you and Nandy then…? Do they ever swap?”

Guillermo’s eyes cut to Topher’s, cold and sharp, like black ice. He slowed his pace. 

“Don’t get me wrong, Nadja and Laszlo are easily both eights! No disrespect. It’s just, Nandy, I mean, God, whew!”

Guillermo’s eye twitched. His hand was like a vice. Almost like he was going to tear his dick clean off.

“ _ Nandor _ knows how to keep it professional. There’s a reason I’ve been with him for more than a decade and Nadja and Laszlo’s familiars have… unfortunate accidents. You should be… very… careful.” He chuckled and grinned in a way that Topher had never seen before, lit green and red in the dim light of his room. It kept surprising Topher that Guillermo could actually be hot, even if it was only for a few seconds at a time.

“Good to know...” Maybe he could wear a helmet or something during his next session with Nadja and Laszlo? But for now… He bucked his hips into Guillermo’s torturously slow hand. Guillermo simultaneously lightened up on his grip and went lightning fast, making Topher gasp and mutter, “oh fuck”. It didn’t take much longer for Topher to cum all over his shirt with a shuddering moan. 

“Damn dude… high five!”

Guillermo looked at his raised hand like it was a used cum sock and started to shuffle off the mattress. 

“Where are you going, G? Just give me a few, and then it’s your turn.” 

He mumbled more nothing excuses. “You’re just gonna jack and evac?” Topher asked incredulously.

Guillermo hesitated, took a second to parse what Topher meant. “I--I think so...?” 

“G, you’re a funny guy,” Topher said, rearing up on his knees and gently pushing Guillermo down against the mattress. Slower, this time.  __

“Mmmm,” Guillermo hummed pleasantly as Topher took his half-hard cock in hand. The tension finally left Guillermo’s body as he spread out on Topher’s bed gradually, like a happy melting puddle, while ironically hardening again under Topher’s touch.

“That’s so…” Guillermo whispered, his head lolling around. 

“Feels good, right?”

“Yeah… yeah...”

Guillermo’s words were getting further and further apart. It wasn’t until he started lightly snoring that Topher realized Guillermo was actually asleep and still hard. Topher decided to see if he could wake him up.

Pumping lotion into his hand, he started to work Guillermo’s cock faster. 

It totally worked. Guillermo curled his head forward, squinting at him. “...Toph? Oh, thanks,” he mumbled before laying back down again. He wasn’t very vocal otherwise. At least not until some time later. Topher realized he must have been getting closer because he was moaning something over and over that he couldn’t quite make out. Besides the mysterious murmuring, Guillermo’s breathing got more ragged and he slowly bucked his hips arrhythmically. Topher tightened his grip, jerking him as quickly as he could, idly wondering what was underneath Guillermo’s white shirt collar.  _ Did he have bite marks too? _

Topher finally caught what he was repeating. 

“Door…”

_ Door? There wasn’t anyone at the-- _

There was a knock.

The door creaked open immediately after.

“Guillermo? Are you playing the hiding seeking game?”

_ Oh, it was just Nandy. _

Topher waved at him. “Did you want to get in on this?” he asked, while Guillermo shot across the room like a bicycle wheel strapped with firecrackers. 

\-----

“Oh. Uh, no, thank you...”

Nandor’s eyes flew open at the sight of his Guillermo breathless and obviously mortified being caught in such an intimate situation.  _ Well… there had been worse,  _ Nandor thought with a grimace. Except that now all of the color had drained from Guillermo’s face instead of him turning a bright ruby red. And with Topher, instead of... At least he was fully clothed. 

Something clattered beneath him.  _ Ugh. _ Guillermo spilled some drink all over the floor and on his boots in his haste to scurry away.  _ Clumsy. _

“You are just going to be leaving that there in Topher’s room? Clean it up,” Nandor ordered, sticking his foot out for Guillermo to dry it off.

“Allow me,” Topher offered, rag in hand and already dabbing at the mess much faster than Guillermo, who acted as though he was fumbling blindly through a cave.

“It is exceedingly clear that you are a giving person, Topher, but it is his mess,” Nandor said, shooing Topher away with a casual hand. Guillermo ripped out a thick handful of tissues and silently wiped Nandor’s boot. 

“You are just spilling everywhere, recently,” Nandor observed. “Maybe one of those cups with the nipples would help?”

“I’ll think of something, Master,” Guillermo said, head still down, his voice wobbling more than a newborn foal.

\-----

As soon as they returned to Nandor’s crypt, Guillermo started apologizing profusely, compulsively crunching his hands together.

"I'm so, so sorry, I just, I just, I wasn't thinking straight…" 

“Clearly not,” Nandor said derisively, a little insulted that Guillermo specified that he was in the mood for a homosexual encounter.  _ Obviously.  _ Topher is male, Nandor didn’t need that spelled out. 

For some reason, Guillermo started sniffling.  _ Oh.  _ __

“It is fine, you know,” Nandor said in a low voice, stepping closer to calm Guillermo. There was certainly no need for tears. “If you want to lose your virginity to Topher, I think that would be fantastic."

"What?" Guillermo blinked up at him.  _ What was not clear? _

"Nadja and Laszlo have certainly been enjoying Topher. Quite complimentary of his prowess. Especially Nadja.” Nandor waved his hands in front of him in a doggy paddling motion, like she had. “She was telling me he does these delightful movements with his tongue in her--" 

Guillermo grasped his hands with his own to still them. “Um, that’s, I don’t need to...”

His little hands lingered on Nandor’s. Nandor allowed it for a moment, his gaze lingering on them for a few seconds longer than he should have, but then pulled back from Guillermo’s hold.

“It seems he is quite popular in the house, some kind of animal magnesis,” Nandor mused, folding his hands together in front of himself thoughtfully. 

“Magnetism…” Guillermo mumbled.

“You think he has magnets?” Nandor asked, intrigued.  _ Perhaps that was his secret…? _

Guillermo stared at him from red rimmed eyes, his breathing much shallower. His fingers were twitching next to where they were dangling by his thighs.

“Master… Have you and Topher…?”

“Of course not,” Nandor snorted. “Topher is not my type,” he said, poking Guillermo in the chest to enunciate his point.

Guillermo reacted like he was a balloon that Nandor popped.  _ They must be getting along well, for Guillermo to be so sad for Topher.  _ A tendril of worry wove between Nandor’s ribs.

“A word of advice… It is maybe not a good idea to be getting too attached to Topher. I would avoid kissing him, for example... Considering how often familiars die.”

“I don’t kiss,” Guillermo stated.  _ Reasonable.  _ “And I honestly don’t care if Topher lives or dies.” 

Nandor looked at Guillermo suspiciously. The thought occurred to him that it  _ was  _ really quite strange for Nadja and Laszlo to be losing so many familiars so quickly… Guillermo had mentioned how annoying they were to train...  _ Was Guillermo…? _

As though sensing the direction of his thoughts, Guillermo clarified, “I mean, I won’t kill him. It’s just, it’s definitely, it’s not, it’s really not like that…”

“Casual.”

“Casual,” Guillermo repeated, with a nod. Nandor hummed in approval, the tension between his shoulder blades relaxing. 

“Good, good…” Drifting over to a small lacquered box, Nandor flicked the lid open with a finger. “Please be helping yourself,” he said, sweeping his arm to encourage Guillermo to partake freely.

Guillermo peered inside the box and then blushed like the virgin he was.  _ Damn it, Guillermo.  _ Nandor flung his eyes to a random corner of his crypt rather than be bewitched. 

“Those are--You have a box of condoms?” 

“I have collected them over many numbers of years. I get them for free, I assume, because of what I look like. A very handsome, sensual vampire that, you know, is fucking all the time.” 

“They actually hand those out to anyone...”

“Regardless, they are very pretty and will protect you from penis ailments.” Nandor plucked one and held it up. “This one glows in the dark. That is fun, right?” He dropped it back in the box and turned away, pretending to adjust something on the chaise so that Guillermo could take however many he wanted without fear of his judgment.

“Not that I actually need them… Not a problem for me…” Nandor muttered under his breath, squishing a cushion with his hand. It certainly didn’t remind him of something else plush he would very much like to squeeze.

“Did you say something?” Guillermo piped up.

“There is just one more thing.” Nandor came back to stand near Guillermo, so that his weak ears could hear him. “Something strange is afoot this summer. All of the familiars perishing, these rumors of vampires disappearing... Death is in the air, I can practically taste it.” It was especially strong at that exact moment, Nandor noticed, his mouth dropping open and his nostrils flaring to take it in as much as he could. It was new and yet familiar at the same time… he just couldn’t quite put a name to it.

He was also pleased at Guillermo’s heart rate going so high up at his proximity. He let himself enjoy Guillermo’s eyes for a moment, losing himself a little in their warm, vulnerable depths.  _ But not too long,  _ he reminded himself _. _ Luckly, Guillermo averted eye contact, discreetly sniffing his armpit. Nandor rolled his eyes.

“Not you, Guillermo. You don’t think I know what you smell like by now?”  _ Fucking delicious.  _ Especially when he skipped a shower, but Nandor kept that to himself. 

“Oh. Well, maybe we can get an air purifier?” he suggested sheepishly.

“Guillermo, order an air purifier!” Nandor ordered. And then, just to check…

“You grabbed plenty of penis sheaths, yes? I just, I didn’t hear you take any, and you should be taking them, there is certainly no need to be shy...”

“They’re all expired, Master. Some of them are from the 80’s.”

“Alrighttt. Sheesh, do I have to spell it out for you? Procure an air purifier and fresh sheaths. And none of the icy lava ones, those really sting.”

\-----

Topher could recognize Guillermo’s knock at this point. 

Always three knocks. And then a lecture. 

“That was a really close one this time. Mixing chemicals together really does not make it go faster--”, 

A little back and forth.

“Live and learn right?”, “Or die from ignorance...”, “Isn’t it curiosity that kills the cat?” Topher asked, cocking an eyebrow.

And a hook-up.

He tugged Guillermo towards the mattress. Guillermo put his coffee on the nightstand. 

“Middle of the day, ya know. Nothing urgent. Maybe more than hand stuff if you’re down?”

Guillermo muttered some excuse or another, which Topher deflected. 

“We can flip a coin to see who tops. I can go either way, honestly, if you have a preference.”

Topher grabbed his lube and a quarter. Guillermo plucked the coin from his hands and stammered that he’d really be more comfortable topping.

“Alright, big boy,” Topher smirked and slapped his shoulder. He was so  _ solid.  _

And so was his cock pretty much as soon as Topher undid his fly and took him in hand. Topher noticed that he apparently had a condom in his pocket and chuckled inwardly. When Guillermo fumbled putting the condom on, Topher rolled it down his shaft for him.

“This isn’t your first time, right? Aren’t you like, thirty five?”

“Just, turn around,” he grumbled. 

“Alright, I’m just gonna, take this out…” Topher grunted, shifting onto his side and reaching down for the butt plug he’d been wearing.

“You wear that… all the time…?” Guillermo muttered.

“You know how it is. Need to be ready to roll at a moment’s notice,” Topher chuckled, thinking of how adorably impatient Nadja could be. 

Guillermo didn’t say anything to that. Topher got on his hands and knees, grinding into Guillermo until he asked him to stop, awkwardly tapping him. Topher half-expected this to be terrible, but was at least relieved that Guillermo didn’t completely chicken out, applying lube and then more lube on his dick, gingerly pressing inside of him. But then there was a weird pause. 

Guillermo wasn’t moving, his hands just, hanging limp on Topher’s hips like wet rags. As Topher twisted around to look at him, his shirt collar dipped down. Guillermo’s eyes fixated on the bite marks and hickeys on his throat and he slammed into Topher like a fucking freight train, pushing his entire body forward with the force.  _ Holy shit. _ Guillermo’s hands went from being loose suggestions to clawing into his fleshy hips, probably hard enough to leave bruises.  _ Whoa. _

He was a little selfish, too. Topher had to jerk himself quickly, since he had no doubt that Guillermo would finish soon and he hadn’t gone for the reacharound. The sounds of his panting mixed with Guillermo’s grunts, the creak of his mattress, and the muffled sweaty slapping of their skin. Topher had to adjust the angle a few times, shifting his knees, but eventually… eventually things were  _ great. _

“Fuck… fuck… Nandy is  _ missing out... _ ”

Guillermo covered his mouth with his hand and snapped against him even harder, his full weight a crushing wave against his back, hot air against the nape of his neck, growling to shut the fuck up. That was enough to make Topher cum with a shuddering sigh. 

An accented voice echoed through the house. “Guillermo!” 

Nandy apparently didn’t sleep either. Guillermo pulled out, threw the empty condom in the trash, and groaned while pulling his pants back on.  _ Sucks for him. _

\-----

It was, of course, fine, for Guillermo to be sexing with Topher. Absolutely fine. Natural, arguably. It was just, after years, Nandor knew Guillermo’s heart and its beatings like a seamstress knows a piece of thread work, or a fisherman knows the glistening insides of a fish. Its rhythms. How to make it thunder like a drum. And yet. It never beats that hard, not with another heart so close...

“Master?” Guillermo asked.

But he could wait. He could wait for Guillermo to get this out of his system. What did Nandor have, if not time? He would take all the time he needed to figure out the key to Guillermo’s heart, again. To their eternal union. A delicate procedure, to be sure.

“Master, you called me…” 

“Yes, I--I had a nightmare. I was wondering if you would read me a story, until the bad thoughts dissipate. Maybe an Agony Crispy mystery? It is fun to guess.” 

“You’ve had a nightmare almost every day this week,” Guillermo replied, his face drooping where it hovered above Nandor.

_ Had it really been that often? _

“It is hard to shake certain images from my mind’s eye,” he explained, turning his face into the fur lining of his coffin as they came back again. Of Topher pillaging his--

_ Ugh.  _

Thankfully, Guillermo’s words and the slowly descending tempo of his heart rate were gentle guides to more peaceful realms of thought and eventually, sleep.

\-----

There was no knock on the door of the technology room, but there was a lecture.

“Topher! Jesus. What are you doing in here? I could have really used your help out there!” Guillermo yelled.  _ What’s got his panties in a bunch this time? _

Topher gestured to the printer, whirring as his DJ flyers fluttered to the ground in front of it. “Oh yeah, you know, just printing some flyers for my gig this weekend. Wanna play hooky? Guarantee you a good time,” he said with a winning smile and twin finger guns.

“Did you even get permission to use that?” 

“Hundred percent. Laszlo painted the original, check it out!” Topher held up one of the print outs, which was of him wearing purple shutter shades and a gigantic gold chain. The chain pendant was a pyramid with a capital letter "T".

“Well that’s… cool…” Guillermo ran his hand over his forehead.  _ Maybe he’s got a headache?  _ Topher knew a cure for that, and hey, the printer could run itself… but then Guillermo had more questions. 

“Topher… I have to ask. Did you let a bunch of random people into the house?” Guillermo stared at him from his gigantic nerd glasses. He’d look so much better with different frames, it was insane to even contemplate.  _ God, imagine if he changed his hair or didn’t dress like an eighty year old museum curator.  _

“Probably the cleaners. See, with all the money I’m saving on rent--”

“The fucking what? You hired fucking housecleaners to--” Guillermo shook his head, blinking a lot.  _ Was he doing coke now? Fuck yeah. _

“You can’t do shit like that, Topher. One, it’s  _ your _ job, two, you need someone around to hypnotize them, three--”

Topher waited for Guillermo to finish his speech before saying, “Loud and clear, G-money. Won’t happen again.” People loved it when he said that.

“Okay, good,” Guillermo muttered, swaying where he stood.  _ Practically a dead man walking. _

“Are you sure you don’t wanna come to my DJ gig?” 

“No, I can’t,” Guillermo sighed, shaking his head again. “Because I’ll probably be working to clean up your messes.” 

_ That’s what the cleaners were for!  _ But Topher didn’t say that. __

“A’ight, I can see you’re tense,” he chuckled. Literally anyone in the world could see that Guillermo was tense. A blind person would know. Topher rolled up his sleeves and stepped towards him. “We uh, have a little time now, if you wanna…” he winked at him with a lopsided smile. 

Guillermo narrowed his eyes at him. “For fuckssake, Topher…”

“Not hearing a no,” Topher said, beginning to massage Guillermo’s shoulders.  _ Was it possible for a person to be made of knots? _ He pushed into his muscles harder, maneuvering him towards an antique chair that was behind the printer. Topher nudged the chair sideways with his foot and plopped Guillermo into it, really digging into his neck and shoulders. He still made to stand up.

“Come on man, just loosen up a little. It won’t kill you,” Topher said, moving in front of Guillermo and planting his hands on both armrests. He cupped his cheek and gave it an easy-going pat before slipping his other hand down his khakis, brushing his fingers past the little thatch of dark hair. Guillermo’s legs buckled and he collapsed back into the chair as Topher wrapped a gentle hand around his cock; he was already half-hard. 

Guillermo glared at him, but also didn’t get up again once Topher got him fully hard. He grabbed Topher’s shoulders and forced him to his knees in front of him.  _ Damn, that was pretty hot.  _

“You want me to suck you?” he asked seductively, licking his lips, cocking a very interested eyebrow. "I'll suck you so good, you won't even know what hit you. I'll suck you--"

“Shut the fuck up and do it already,” Guillermo growled.  _ Mmmmm.  _ It was fun when he was mean like this, for more than a passing moment. Topher undid his own fly and started palming himself as he took Guillermo’s head into his mouth, angling it so that Guillermo’s cock pushed against the velvety lining of his cheek. Breath hissed from between Guillermo’s teeth. The most Topher had gotten from him was softly muttered profanity, which was a little disappointing.  _ Maybe today.  _ He’d really build to it, make Guillermo finally lose his shit.  _ That’d be fun. And probably pretty funny. Would he do it in English or Spanish? _

Topher swirled his tongue slowly over Guillermo as his hands pumped two cocks in rhythm. His BlueTooth went off and he lifted his hand to answer it when Guillermo ripped the ear piece out and threw it across the room. Topher got the message, sucking and stroking harder.

“...What do you… nng… what do you even fucking do all day?” Guillermo asked gruffly, groaning.

Topher popped his mouth off of his cock to answer. “Mm, depends,” he said, twirling his wrist to rub Guillermo like a pool cue. “So like, today was pretty packed actually. Laszlo and Nadja were telling me all these hilarious stories, then I got a call back from an investor, then Laszlo was giving me a piano lesson, Nadja showed me her full skull collection, and then ole’ Nandy asked me to play chess with him, so that was the rest of the evening.”

The energy changed instantly. Guillermo froze while his dark eyes smoldered like coals. Like asphalt in summer.  _ When did he get so hot? Jesus. _

“ _ What? _ ” Guillermo asked, a quiet, low, menacing whisper.  _ Mm, fuck... _

_ But also, what?  _

“What about what?” Topher furrowed his brows in earnest confusion.

Guillermo took a deep breath. “Nandor… asked you… you…” He started laughing.  _ I guess it’s kind of funny? _

“Yeah, whodathunk, right? I mean, I know I wouldn't have guessed. Offered to teach me, but I was a pretty damn good player back at--”

Guillermo snarled and lunged from the chair, heaving Topher up onto the printer like a ferocious animal, completely overpowering him. His strong fingers wrapped around his throat and crushed his windpipe.  _ Holy shit, this is amazing, fuck me... _ Topher rutted against him. Tiny groans still managed to escape Guillermo’s punishing hands, gripping his throat like a baseball bat.  _ Choke me, G-daddy... _ Topher let his head loll against the printer and closed his eyes, giving Guillermo two thumbs up as he arched into him harder. 

Guillermo picked him up by the front of his shirt, his feet dangling off the ground. The air filling his lungs was easily the best rush he’d ever had, even better than when he stuck his head out of a convertible with his frat pushing a hundred. It didn’t last long before Guillermo threw him against their enormous 90’s television, pouncing on him with his teeth bared like a pit bull. Then Guillermo's hands were back around his neck.

The mechanical sounds of the printer and Guillermo’s harsh breathing competed with his heart beat, slamming against his chest like the gavel at debate club. Topher used the last of his strength to weasel his hand between them, to stroke both of their cocks together. The edges of his vision were going black fast. He was so close to what he was sure was going to be the most incredible orgasm of his life.

“Guillermo! _ ” _ Nandy called.

Guillermo reacted like he was electrocuted, immediately releasing Topher. Staring at his hands, his eyes refocused on Topher like he wasn’t sure he was real. 

“Dude.. dude…” Topher wheezed in amazement before cumming all over himself.

Guillermo frantically jammed his dick into his pants and compulsively smoothed his clothes like he was covered in cobwebs before he dashed out of the room. 

\-----

Guillermo’s hair was stuck to his forehead from sweat and his heart was a cascading storm.  _ Seems they are getting more athletic now. _ A confusing feeling coiled at the bottom of Nandor's stomach at the thought. 

Nandor sighed, sitting back on the toilet seat and probing his teeth with his tongue. “This victim was particularly gristly.”

Guillermo wordlessly retrieved the tooth thread from the bathroom cabinet and wound it around his shaking fingers. He wouldn’t meet Nandor’s gaze. Nandor almost reached up to push Guillermo’s hair back from his face, but thought better of it as Guillermo leaned forward and drew the white string between his teeth. Seesawing back and forth, he dug the viscera out, an instant relief for Nandor.

There was more though. The thread caught between compact back molars and as Guillermo tugged to wrench it out, it snapped and the fleshy underside of his finger caught on Nandor’s fang, slicing it open and coating Nandor’s tongue with his blood.

Intense satisfaction, relief, and a glimmer of pride seized Nandor. His mouth curved into a smile as he laved at the cut softly. The taste was otherworldly, just as virginal as the first time. Just as he had hoped… He hadn’t mistimed calling for Guillermo. And he would always drop everything to answer. Always put Nandor first.

It all made him groan deep in his chest, crave more, crave his Guillermo. _Still his. Always his_ , Nandor thought, gently grasping Guillermo’s wrist as he lightly sucked on his finger. _Only his finger_ , he reminded himself, his teeth barely pressing into the thin skin, so hungry for more, but the texture of Guillermo’s wrist scars under his thumbs were a vivid warning against giving into temptation. Still, he closed his lips, dragging his tongue softly along the length of his finger, drinking down every last drop that he could while looking at Guillermo from under his best hooded seduction eyes, that had made countless members of royalty, nobles, and favored servants melt under his ministrations. 

It didn’t work.

To Nandor’s surprise, Guillermo was staring past him.  _ At what? _ Nandor looked and there was nothing but wallpaper.  _ What in the shit?  _ Then why did Guillermo look so haunted? As though there were a ghost standing directly behind him. More vexing questions. __

He let Guillermo’s finger drop out of his mouth unceremoniously.  _ This should have been making him die with horniness! _

“You should bandage that,” Nandor murmured irritably. 

\-----

“Did you watch a scary movie by yourself?” Nandor asked once they were in his crypt. He wrapped the bandage around Guillermo’s finger since he was still shaking like a malnourished peasant. He kept repeating that he was fine but that was obviously not true. Nandor beckoned him to sit on the chaise.

“Did a victim attack you again? Or was it another large friendly dog?” Nandor guessed, sitting down next to him.

“Um…” Guillermo bit his lip and finally looked Nandor in the eye. He looked so small, sitting there.

“I--I…” Nothing came out for a little while. Silent sobs wracked his body even as he wrapped his arms around one of Nandor’s pillows and curled in on himself. He still had the decency to take his shoes off.

“I almost, augh… I almost killed Topher.” Tears streamed down his face, reflecting the candle light on his cheeks. Even so, Nandor wanted to wipe them away. It took so much not to.

“Ah, some kind of accident. Did you mix the wrong chemicals again?” he asked, swirling a finger in the air to illustrate.

“...No, we--” Guillermo choked out.

“Forget to mop up blood at the top of the stairs?”

“It wasn’t… we were--”

“Yes, yes,” Nandor muttered, tilting his head back and forth. He didn’t need the reminder of the trysts he had reassured Guillermo were absolutely, positively fine. “You are cursed again, I see.”

“No! Fucking let me--!”

“Well then get on with it!”

“I choked the shit out of him!” Guillermo shouted, looking at Nandor with an expression of absolute rage rending his features as he nearly tore the pillow in his hands.  _ So cranky.  _

“There there, now,” Nandor whispered, patting Guillermo’s shoulder softly. Guillermo looked away and started crying harder, his tears dripping on the silk fabric of the pillow he was clutching, leaving dark little spots. 

Nandor reclined on the other side of the chaise, grabbed a larger pillow from the ground, and then arranged Guillermo to lay down against him. 

“Master…?” 

“Sometimes, in the heats of passions, these things happen… You caught yourself, that is the important thing of it. And I am sure you will not be repeating this mistake,” Nandor said solemnly.

“I just, it was so close…”

“I would have forgiven you, even if you did kill him,” he said softly, his hands in Guillermo’s hair. As he stroked his scalp, enjoying the feeling of his curls twining around his fingers, he was relieved that Guillermo’s heart rate finally relaxed, that his shoulders dropped, that the little raspy choking sobs that stabbed at his heart eased and then finally stopped altogether.

“I don’t know that I could forgive myself,” Guillermo whispered.

“I suppose you have never killed before,” Nandor remembered.  _ Sweet little Guillermo... _

“Mhmm. Right...”

“Well, you will be killing when you become a vampire. It becomes easier.” Nandor knew that well.

“But that’s because you have to. To survive...” Guillermo swallowed. “This… this was for me. I didn’t have to.” 

“Mm… Yes, yes, I suppose I am seeing now, you being envious of Topher. He is quite gifted. As you no doubt have seen yourself.”

“Yep,” Guillermo muttered sarcastically.  _ So it is this. _

“Remember, you are  _ my _ familiar. Not Topher. You. It may have taken you years and years of arduous struggle to approach his baseline--”

Guillermo grumbled and shifted around. “I just wish this had never happened...”

Nandor hummed in thought. As his hands swirled through the chestnut ocean of Guillermo’s hair, he pushed his fingertips deeper against his scalp, as close to his brain as he could conceivably get without actually puncturing his skull. Guillermo seemed to like it, inching up the pillow and humming a little himself. 

_ You will forget ever choking Topher…  _

_ Hmm. _ While it was of course, wonderful, that Guillermo found enjoyment in Topher, Nandor felt that, to be completely sure he fulfilled Guillermo’s desire, it would be best to erase all of their encounters. 

_ You will forget ever sexing, canoodling, fornicating, fucking, uhh, touching Topher’s penis, Topher touching your penis, in any way.  _

That would surely cover it. 

_ Also you will sleep now… And you will wake up feeling better.  _

_ And… And if Topher propositions you again, you will not be interested… _

Guillermo’s head slid away from Nandor’s hands. Little adorable snoring wheezes followed soon after. Nandor hoped that he would dream of him. He kissed the crown of his head softly through his curls. 

\-----

Nandor thought he heard Guillermo screaming in his sleep again. When he peered under Guillermo’s bed, Topher was already there.

“Topher,” he kind of whispered, waving mechnically. 

_ Ah. Occupied.  _ Nandor thought it was a little weird that he wasn’t in bed with Guillermo, but who was he to judge? 

He was also disappointed that they were apparently at it again. Perhaps the command hadn’t quite taken. Or equally plausibly, Topher was just so alluring that he overcame Guillermo’s programmed resistance.

\-----

Guillermo’s heart rate was beating the hardest Nandor had ever heard it in all their time together. 

Nandor turned into a mist, hoping to discreetly avail himself of whatever Topher’s secret was. Tracking Guillermo’s pounding heart told him that they were moving through the house fast.  _ Did they shatter a fucking window? Really escalating now.  _ Once he realized Guillermo was outside, Nandor made even more haste, now upset that Guillermo and the familiar could potentially be spotted fooling around by the neighbors.

_ This was a mistake. _

The vision of Topher on top of Guillermo, making him scream in pain, despite his shrieking to stop, and then silencing him in the pond was worse than anything in Nandor’s imagination. 

“I’ve had enough of this,” he snarled, snapping Topher’s neck and flinging his body away like a dirty rag. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> RIP in pieces Topher Delmonico.
> 
> If you're wondering about Guillermo's mental state through all of this, I refer you to this [ video ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hG--uihli8o) in its entirety. 
> 
> Thank you to sinaesthete for beta reading this monster! AND for suggesting the solid gold that is "choke me G-Daddy"!!!
> 
> ~ fun fact ~ Harvey Guillén (Guillermo) is 5'8" verses Haley Joel Osment (Topher) at 5'4"


End file.
